Talk:IELTS - Academic Writing - Task 2 - Practice 1/@comment-27.75.59.44-20150213045211/@comment-25263758-20150315022638
For a long time, there are only men who arewere allowed to join the military. Some opinions saidbelieve that women should be given a the chance to be a soldier, to stand up, and to fight for the peace of their motherland. Personally, I agree with their assertion for four seasonsreasons. Firstly, allowing women being to be the in military is givinggives them the opportunity to show their love, and gratitude to their country. BeforeIn the past, they canwomen could only go to meetings and writing write to raise their voice. Now, everything has changed. Women, they should be able to contribute their strength and, determination to protect their beloved motherland. Especially when the war bursts breaks out, that is the time their countries need them the most. Moreover, Sience science has proved proven that women can do enormous things as well as men and even better in some fieldsTN1 . Comparing Compared to the other sex, women are more intelligent, more capable of leadership, and most of all is the longhave longer endurance. That fact makes it even more reasonable to let women attend join the millitarymilitary. Nowadays, equality is the topic which is concerned one of the most important issuesTN2 . In this case, equality can be applied. Since men have the right and responsibility to join the military, women should have to as well. As long as only men can be out there- in the battlefield, training, fighting for their life goals, sacrifyingsacrificing, and doing honourable jobs which women ordinarily would not have access to, it can notnothing can be considered as equalityequal. Finally, for women who are in difficult circumstances, this is the a precious chance to give them a stabilize stable jobTN3 . They Women could have the opportunity to fulfill their dreams as well as having have the stability and a good career to take care for of themselves and even their families. In To sum up, women should be given a chance to serve for their country, to prove that they are stronger now, they and can do great things. Maybe there would have be risks, but at least they will have , we tried. After all, we are only human, we deserve a chance. Score: 6 Comments: Addresses all parts of the task, but some parts are more fully developed than others. Presents, extends, and supports main ideas, but some ideas are not supported sufficiently. Arranges information in a logical way and progression can be seen throughout. Uses an adequate range of vocabulary throughout, but some spelling errors and language mistakes are also present. Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. Grammatical errors rarely impede understanding. ---- TN1If you talk about science, you need hard numbers. Your argument here instead seems like you made something up to fit with your thesis. TN2Be careful about using superlatives. You don’t know that the issue of equality is the most important, so simply state that it is one of the most important. TN3I think this could’ve been a good idea, but it needs more development. A great historical example of this are the women who made ammunition during WWII.